Why do girls always go to the bathroom in groups?
I don’t know. I never had a gang of girls that followed me around everywhere.
Yeah, I am that loner. Single Ladies is my anthem.
People are always like, “You’re the average of the 5 people you hang out with.” And I’m like so, “Nelu, Girl in the mirror, Me, Myself, and I?”
Notice it’s Cut Your Friend Not Friends
That’s because, to be honest, I struggle socially. I find it difficult to make or keep friends and it’s been like that for pretty much my entire life. I don’t have (m)any friends.
Now on the positive side, having to be on my own so much has made me a very independent person. I like to rely on myself, and it annoys me whenever I’m forced to count on someone else to pull through for me.
But on the other side, on the cold side of the pillow, I have less than ideal coping mechanisms. As much as I’m comfortable being on my own, I can’t argue with nature. I am still a social being that craves social connection.
You know how I deal with this? I feel like I’m a social outcast so I gravitate towards the outcasts.
If there’s a group of people and I see that one of them seems to be cut out of the main group, I’ll go talk to that person. I deal with my own feelings of isolation by trying to help others not feel isolated. It’s kind of like being hungry and giving someone else food because you think that will help you. I don’t know what the logic in it is, but that’s what I do.
What I didn’t know is that people who are social outcasts are outcasts for a reason. Sometimes, they are exhausting to be around.
Not too long ago, I made friends with one of these draining people (hopefully she doesn’t read this… Who am I kidding she won’t and you will soon find our why). I don’t know if I can really call her a friend. I am her friend, but whether or not she is my friend is up for debate. It’s a very one-sided relationship.
Now, homegirl has caused me quite a bit of heartache, and by quite a bit, I mean quite a lot. I’ve known her only for about 9 months, but I feel I’ve been riding with her on a 25-year marathon through the Alps. She has drained me that much.
But still, being the idiot that I am, I haven’t cut her off. I keep telling myself that she’s just a troubled girl and if I love her enough and put myself aside and just give her more of myself, I might be able to save her. There have been multiple red flags – I mean, you could say I’ve been swimming in the Red Sea if the Red Sea was actually red and if I actually knew how to swim – and I keep ignoring all of them.
So, I’m writing this to virtually knock some senses into my own head. To the girl in the mirror, here are 7 reasons why you need to cut your friend out of your life:
1. She Has Narcissistic Tendencies
Have you ever met a person who seems to pray to themselves? You know what I’m talking about, one of those people that think so highly of themselves that you’re just sure at night they go, “Oh thou Mighty Me. I pray that you keep me safe tonight, Mighty Me. May I wake up tomorrow and show all these B’s they better put some respect on my name, Mighty Me!” Do you know anyone like that?
And you know what’s worse? When they speak so highly of themselves in one aspect and then they have the pretend humility when they speak of other aspects. One minute they’ll say, “I’m so much smarter than everybody around here that I’m literally bored.” And then the next minute you’ll hear them say, “Oh but of course, I don’t have one of the prettiest faces.”
Such a person will never care about you. They only care about themselves. And if you’re a highly sensitive person, they will manipulate and abuse you to get what they want, while you keep feeling like you just need to love them more. Don’t do it.
If you have a friend like that, don’t lie to yourself that you’ll be able to change them or to make them care. Cut your friend out like that dry part on your lettuce.
2. She Constantly Ignores You
You know which kinds of people I find the most annoying? Those who don’t reply to texts. Especially when Whatsapp or whatever messenger you’re using shows you that they’ve seen the message.
I prefer you send me a “K” or a thumbs-up emoji or a full stop rather than nothing. Even if it’s seven days after I texted you, say something for goodness sake!
I hate being ignored. But this homegirl has ignored me not once, not twice, not thrice, but countless times! In fact, as I’m writing this now, there’s still a message she hasn’t replied to. It annoys me. It really pisses me off. Every. Single. Time.
You know what her excuse is? “I was busy.” B-mother-effin-S! It takes less than a minute to reply to a text. And I know she’s on a summer break playing video games 24/7. Girl what is this busy you speak of?
She keeps ignoring you but you keep forgiving her. You keep telling yourself, “She’ll come around. If I forgive her enough she’ll understand it’s not nice to ignore people. If I just forgive her enough times…”
The truth is no, she will not. In fact, she will keep ignoring you because you keep showing her that it’s okay. You don’t tell her it bothers you, so she keeps thinking you’re cool with it. She will keep treating you like a piece of candy wrap on the floor.
Cut her off!
3. She Speaks Ill of What You Love
I understand that people will not always have the same tastes. And if they’re mature enough, two friends can like different things and still stay friends.
But if you tell your friend that you like a certain artist, and she proceeds to tell you that your favorite artist sounds like he’s castrated, you’ve got a problem.
If she’s really your friend, she would respect you enough to know that speaking ill of what you love will hurt you. And a true friend wouldn’t willingly hurt you.
I understand that nothing is perfect. I know that what I love is far from perfect, and believe me, I know the imperfections in my favorite artist better than you do. You know what real friends do? Instead of pointing out the flaws in what their friends love, they try to understand why their friends love what they love.
If she doesn’t have sense enough to know speaking ill of what you love will hurt you, again, cut your friend off like an itchy tag in your shirt.
4. She Puts You Down
I’m guessing you like to share your successes with your friends so you can have someone to celebrate with. But do you have a friend that constantly tries to diminish your success?
Case in point: I tell my “friend” that I have a blog. Then she proceeds to say that bloggers have no real talent because “everybody can do it.”
And then another time I ask her, “Oh, have you seen that TED Talk about why we need sleep?” And she says, “TED talks are for people who aren’t really smart but are just trying to seem smart.” Excuse me?? I watch TED talks all the time. What are you saying about me?
If you’re like me, and you already have struggles with self-esteem, then you don’t need someone else to bring you down like that. They just add to your long list of reasons why you feel insecure. With their narcissistic tendencies, and them ignoring you all the time, they will leave you feeling completely worthless. What’s worse is that when she sucks all confidence out of you, she’ll make you feel like you should be lucky to have her as a friend. And that’s why you will stay with her.
If you have a friend like that, cut them off like an annoying split end.
5. She Seems To Take Pleasure In Seeing You Hurt
There are many ways to bully someone. You can take their lunch money, sure. But you can also make them feel like their wasting your time. You can invite them to hang out then make them feel like their ruining your good time just because they uttered a word. You can roll your eyes at them when they’re trying to help you. And then when they look hurt by your actions, smile as if seeing them in pain is the most pleasurable thing that has ever happened to you.
Guess what? This girl did all that and I still effing forgave her.
Here is the thing: such a friend is an undercover bully who doesn’t care about you and will keep hurting you because she enjoys seeing you hurt.
Love yourself too much to keep up with such abuse. If you feel bullied by your friend, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. It’s time to let her go.
6. She Drains the Happiness Out of All Situations
There was one moment where I nearly came to my senses with this friend. I was excited to go to an event. Then she texted me – because it was convenient for her to, of course – and said that she wanted us to go together. And immediately, I wasn’t excited anymore.
You see, this friend of mine was extremely negative. She always pointed out 100 things that were wrong with everything. And it was exhausting. It felt like there was a constant dark energy around her that just choked all happiness out of everything.
Do you have a friend that’s always negative? Do you have a friend that always has to be the blackhole draining everyone’s positive energy? Get those scissors.
7. She Doesn’t Care About Your Problems
I practically told her that my life was falling apart. Guess what she did? She ignored me.
Who does that? Even if a stranger told you they were sad about something you would give them two seconds in your day, wouldn’t you?
But you know what I tell myself? “Maybe she has so many problems of her own and I’m just troubling her with mine.” Girl no! Your life matters too. You don’t deserve to have your life-altering problems ignored by so-called friends.
Do you have friends that you’re always there for that don’t give you the time of day when you need them the most? Do you have friends that will keep watching TV and eating cereal on their couch when you tell them you need someone to talk to? Friends that won’t lift a finger even if you tell them your life is falling apart?
Get that chainsaw and cut that friend out like a piece of weed in your garden.
Sometimes You’re Better Off Alone
Don’t lie to yourself that you will be able to change such toxic friends. Chances are, they will keep hurting you and taking you for granted. Even worse, staying with them and taking all their nonsense might convince them that it’s okay to mistreat people. And they’ll go out there and mistreat other people.
I know it’s scary to cut off friends, especially if you struggle with loneliness like myself. But you need to understand that you’re doing nobody any good by staying with them. You’re breaking your self-esteem and making them sink deeper into their narcism.
You’re not being selfish if you choose to cut them off. Don’t convince you don’t deserve better. Stop wasting your happiness on them. Just cut them out of your life.
Have you ever had friends like these? Do you have other reasons why it might be better to cut off a friend? Put it all in the comments below.