7 Reasons Why You Need To Cut Your Friend Out Of Your Life

7 Reasons Why You Need To Cut Your Friend Out Of Your Life

Why do girls always go to the bathroom in groups?

 

I don’t know. I never had a gang of girls that followed me around everywhere.

 

Yeah, I am that loner. Single Ladies is my anthem.

 

People are always like, “You’re the average of the 5 people you hang out with.” And I’m like so, “Nelu, Girl in the mirror, Me, Myself, and I?”

 

Notice it’s Cut Your Friend Not Friends

 

That’s because, to be honest, I struggle socially. I find it difficult to make or keep friends and it’s been like that for pretty much my entire life. I don’t have (m)any friends.

 

Now on the positive side, having to be on my own so much has made me a very independent person. I like to rely on myself, and it annoys me whenever I’m forced to count on someone else to pull through for me.

 

But on the other side, on the cold side of the pillow, I have less than ideal coping mechanisms. As much as I’m comfortable being on my own, I can’t argue with nature. I am still a social being that craves social connection.

 

You know how I deal with this? I feel like I’m a social outcast so I gravitate towards the outcasts.

 

If there’s a group of people and I see that one of them seems to be cut out of the main group, I’ll go talk to that person. I deal with my own feelings of isolation by trying to help others not feel isolated. It’s kind of like being hungry and giving someone else food because you think that will help you. I don’t know what the logic in it is, but that’s what I do.

 

What I didn’t know is that people who are social outcasts are outcasts for a reason. Sometimes, they are exhausting to be around.

 

Not too long ago, I made friends with one of these draining people (hopefully she doesn’t read this… Who am I kidding she won’t and you will soon find our why). I don’t know if I can really call her a friend. I am her friend, but whether or not she is my friend is up for debate. It’s a very one-sided relationship.

 

two friends

 

Now, homegirl has caused me quite a bit of heartache, and by quite a bit, I mean quite a lot. I’ve known her only for about 9 months, but I feel I’ve been riding with her on a 25-year marathon through the Alps. She has drained me that much.

 

But still, being the idiot that I am, I haven’t cut her off. I keep telling myself that she’s just a troubled girl and if I love her enough and put myself aside and just give her more of myself, I might be able to save her. There have been multiple red flags – I mean, you could say I’ve been swimming in the Red Sea if the Red Sea was actually red and if I actually knew how to swim – and I keep ignoring all of them.

 

So, I’m writing this to virtually knock some senses into my own head. To the girl in the mirror, here are 7 reasons why you need to cut your friend out of your life:

 

1. She Has Narcissistic Tendencies

 

Have you ever met a person who seems to pray to themselves? You know what I’m talking about, one of those people that think so highly of themselves that you’re just sure at night they go, “Oh thou Mighty Me. I pray that you keep me safe tonight, Mighty Me. May I wake up tomorrow and show all these B’s they better put some respect on my name, Mighty Me!” Do you know anyone like that?

 

I do.

 

narcissistic friend, taking a selfie

 

And you know what’s worse? When they speak so highly of themselves in one aspect and then they have the pretend humility when they speak of other aspects. One minute they’ll say, “I’m so much smarter than everybody around here that I’m literally bored.” And then the next minute you’ll hear them say, “Oh but of course, I don’t have one of the prettiest faces.”

 

Such a person will never care about you. They only care about themselves. And if you’re a highly sensitive person, they will manipulate and abuse you to get what they want, while you keep feeling like you just need to love them more. Don’t do it.

 

If you have a friend like that, don’t lie to yourself that you’ll be able to change them or to make them care. Cut your friend out like that dry part on your lettuce.

 

2. She Constantly Ignores You

 

You know which kinds of people I find the most annoying? Those who don’t reply to texts. Especially when Whatsapp or whatever messenger you’re using shows you that they’ve seen the message.

 

I prefer you send me a “K” or a thumbs-up emoji or a full stop rather than nothing. Even if it’s seven days after I texted you, say something for goodness sake!

 

I hate being ignored. But this homegirl has ignored me not once, not twice, not thrice, but countless times! In fact, as I’m writing this now, there’s still a message she hasn’t replied to. It annoys me. It really pisses me off. Every. Single. Time.

 

You know what her excuse is? “I was busy.” B-mother-effin-S! It takes less than a minute to reply to a text. And I know she’s on a summer break playing video games 24/7. Girl what is this busy you speak of?

 

She keeps ignoring you but you keep forgiving her. You keep telling yourself, “She’ll come around. If I forgive her enough she’ll understand it’s not nice to ignore people. If I just forgive her enough times…”

 

The truth is no, she will not. In fact, she will keep ignoring you because you keep showing her that it’s okay. You don’t tell her it bothers you, so she keeps thinking you’re cool with it. She will keep treating you like a piece of candy wrap on the floor.

 

Cut her off!

 

3. She Speaks Ill of What You Love

 

I understand that people will not always have the same tastes. And if they’re mature enough, two friends can like different things and still stay friends.

 

But if you tell your friend that you like a certain artist, and she proceeds to tell you that your favorite artist sounds like he’s castrated, you’ve got a problem.

 

If she’s really your friend, she would respect you enough to know that speaking ill of what you love will hurt you. And a true friend wouldn’t willingly hurt you.

 

I understand that nothing is perfect. I know that what I love is far from perfect, and believe me, I know the imperfections in my favorite artist better than you do. You know what real friends do? Instead of pointing out the flaws in what their friends love, they try to understand why their friends love what they love.

 

If she doesn’t have sense enough to know speaking ill of what you love will hurt you, again, cut your friend off like an itchy tag in your shirt.

 

4. She Puts You Down

 

I’m guessing you like to share your successes with your friends so you can have someone to celebrate with. But do you have a friend that constantly tries to diminish your success?

 

Case in point: I tell my “friend” that I have a blog. Then she proceeds to say that bloggers have no real talent because “everybody can do it.”

 

And then another time I ask her, “Oh, have you seen that TED Talk about why we need sleep?” And she says, “TED talks are for people who aren’t really smart but are just trying to seem smart.” Excuse me?? I watch TED talks all the time. What are you saying about me?

 

If you’re like me, and you already have struggles with self-esteem, then you don’t need someone else to bring you down like that. They just add to your long list of reasons why you feel insecure. With their narcissistic tendencies, and them ignoring you all the time, they will leave you feeling completely worthless. What’s worse is that when she sucks all confidence out of you, she’ll make you feel like you should be lucky to have her as a friend. And that’s why you will stay with her.

 

Friend that puts you down, girl sitting on grass looking sad

 

 

If you have a friend like that, cut them off like an annoying split end.

 

5. She Seems To Take Pleasure In Seeing You Hurt

 

There are many ways to bully someone. You can take their lunch money, sure. But you can also make them feel like their wasting your time. You can invite them to hang out then make them feel like their ruining your good time just because they uttered a word. You can roll your eyes at them when they’re trying to help you. And then when they look hurt by your actions, smile as if seeing them in pain is the most pleasurable thing that has ever happened to you.

 

Guess what? This girl did all that and I still effing forgave her.

 

Here is the thing: such a friend is an undercover bully who doesn’t care about you and will keep hurting you because she enjoys seeing you hurt.

 

Love yourself too much to keep up with such abuse. If you feel bullied by your friend, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. It’s time to let her go.

 

6. She Drains the Happiness Out of All Situations

 

There was one moment where I nearly came to my senses with this friend. I was excited to go to an event. Then she texted me – because it was convenient for her to, of course – and said that she wanted us to go together. And immediately, I wasn’t excited anymore.

 

You see, this friend of mine was extremely negative. She always pointed out 100 things that were wrong with everything. And it was exhausting. It felt like there was a constant dark energy around her that just choked all happiness out of everything.

 

Do you have a friend that’s always negative? Do you have a friend that always has to be the blackhole draining everyone’s positive energy? Get those scissors.

 

7. She Doesn’t Care About Your Problems

 

I practically told her that my life was falling apart. Guess what she did? She ignored me.

 

Who does that? Even if a stranger told you they were sad about something you would give them two seconds in your day, wouldn’t you?

 

But you know what I tell myself? “Maybe she has so many problems of her own and I’m just troubling her with mine.” Girl no! Your life matters too. You don’t deserve to have your life-altering problems ignored by so-called friends.

 

Do you have friends that you’re always there for that don’t give you the time of day when you need them the most? Do you have friends that will keep watching TV and eating cereal on their couch when you tell them you need someone to talk to? Friends that won’t lift a finger even if you tell them your life is falling apart?

 

Reason To Cut Your Friend Out Of Your Life, Girl Talking On Phone

 

 

Get that chainsaw and cut that friend out like a piece of weed in your garden.

Sometimes You’re Better Off Alone

 

Don’t lie to yourself that you will be able to change such toxic friends. Chances are, they will keep hurting you and taking you for granted. Even worse, staying with them and taking all their nonsense might convince them that it’s okay to mistreat people. And they’ll go out there and mistreat other people.

 

I know it’s scary to cut off friends, especially if you struggle with loneliness like myself. But you need to understand that you’re doing nobody any good by staying with them. You’re breaking your self-esteem and making them sink deeper into their narcism.

 

You’re not being selfish if you choose to cut them off. Don’t convince you don’t deserve better. Stop wasting your happiness on them. Just cut them out of your life.

 

Have you ever had friends like these? Do you have other reasons why it might be better to cut off a friend? Put it all in the comments below.



95 thoughts on “7 Reasons Why You Need To Cut Your Friend Out Of Your Life”

    • I’m still planning on how to do it. But I still keep telling myself that she will change… I think I should just do it once and for all without overthinking it.

    • Yeah, sometimes we just get caught up in it all, we forget to check if our friends are helping or harming us.

  • I agree sometimes you gotta get rid of a friend (or several). I’ve done that this year and gotten rid of ones who were negative, unmotivated and not helping me get better. It’s also allowed me to find new friends – win/win!

  • She does not sound like a good friend at all and it sounds like you would be much better off without her hun. I know what you mean, I was pretty lonely growing up so now I always try and make people who feel like outcasts welcome because I don’t want them to feel left out x

    • Best of luck! I hope you get to stay with the people who will bring you the most positivity. Thanks for reading, Kendra!

  • Please do not “plan” on how to remove yourself from this toxic relationship. Just do it. You never need to explain your reasons why to someone like that. They don’t deserve it. And blogging is damn hard! It’s not for everyone!

    • Overthinking things is part of why I let it go on for so long. I will try my best. Can you imagine she dared to disrespect the hustle that goes into blogging?? Geez!

  • Oh man do I feel you.

    Last year we upped and move across the country, so while I’ve not had to cut anyone out as of late, I’ve had to in the past and it really sucks.

    Sending you all kinds of good jujus. You know what you need to do, and you’ll know when you’ve had enough.

  • The more reason why I don’t keep friends, I really hate constant dramas and unnecessary heartaches… And sometimes just as u said no matter how much you love to be alone it’s just in our nature to want to be with someone… Thank you for the timely post, well, we just have to keep putting up with one another, and if not it’s better off if we cut it.

  • I’ve gone through this myself. Good luck in cutting her out. I’ve seen other young women do this to each other and it makes me sick. The other girl just lets it happen, I always want to say “you don’t need this person. She’s telling who to be friends with and isolating you.”

    • It’s really not easy, I’ll tell you that. Some friendships do more damage than good, to be honest. Thanks for reading, Pam!

  • I learned during college that you have to love people from a distance. They may say you are friends, but treat you like dirt. Letting go of friends will open the door for your true friends. Oh! I feel you girl on the “Single Ladies” part. Lol.

    • Girl, I use that song to send a message!!! And yeah, sometimes we just have to know that as much as we want it to be otherwise, we can’t change people. So it’s better to just let them go so they can work on themselves.

  • It may be truly hard to break off the friendship, but a one-way street is NOT a friendship… not at all. You’ll look back on the fact that you released yourself from toxic relationships, and recognize how much better it is without those types of people. If she matures and changes, you can reconnect but I’m much older than you and I regret letting some relationships last way too long.
    Hope you surround yourself with cheerleaders!

    • Yeah, I think I just have to let her grow on her own. If she wants to be friends again later when she has sorted herself out, then maybe. It’s not easy though… Thanks for the insight!

  • Ok, so I was reading your post and was wondering if you are an HSP and then you linked out to HSP, and I’m like OMG!!! Another fellow HSP!

    #4 drives me crazy… I’ve been around people like that, and they are so toxic for me, especially since I am an HSP it affects me even more. I’ve learned to chop them out like I chop my hair. Love my hair, but there are times when I just have to say goodbye

    When you cut out toxic friends, you make room for others who aren’t toxic and friends who will bring you up instead of drag you down in their misery

    • HSPs UNITE!!! Girl, I’m glad you can relate. It’s so difficult to cut them off though. I have to learn from you. It’s just so scary cause you keep thinking what if this is as good as it gets? But we just have to stop overthinking it and just put them on the chopping block I guess.

  • Its said, two hours of silence every day prompts cell development in our brain ! I too love to give excuses for my isolation. But actually its the fear of becoming a sheep in the herd that keeps me away from nonsensical people.

  • This is such a good post. I had a friend similar to this and we would always butt heads. Finally we drifted so far apart and we barely talk now but I am in a way better place without her in my life. Thanks for sharing.

  • I recently cut a friend out of my life but not because she was being actively horrible. She was just really self-absorbed and the relationship was quite one sided which was making me very sad as we’d been friends for 3 years, so I decided it was time for her to go!

    • I’m sorry. We all wish we could literally have best friends forever. But I think you made the right decision. Best of luck in your future relationships!

  • I think when you get older you realise it’s more about the quality of a friendship than the number of friends that you have. You don’t want to spend all your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate you x

  • Sometimes I take time off from toxic friends. I just want to be alone and recharge, be my own away from chaos. But true, there are friends who are worth keeping and worth letting away. If he or she is not doing you good then let go.

  • All good reasons to give someone the heave ho. I’ve had to cut out several such friends from my life and never looked back. One criteria is how you feel after seeing them. Are you happy and jazzed or mad and defensive? That was always a warning sign for me. I finally learned to heed it.

    • That is a very good sign. Do they bring in positive energy or is there a general negative vibe around them? Thanks for stopping by, Laurie!

  • A friend gives not just takes. This person doesn’t sound like much of a friend. Anyone should be on the chopping block for this kind of stuff.

  • I have had to cut out toxic friends from my life before. The reasoning is because they did not care about anybody but themselves. It is hard to cut a friend out, but sometimes it is best to do it. I surround myself with positive people only.

  • I can really relate. I had a group of friends who ignored me every time I was going through troubles, like they couldn’t be bothered to deal with me. You have to realise that your own happiness is always worth more than pleasing someone else who wouldn’t give you the same grace.

    • Yeah, as Humble The Poet always says, it’s not selfish to put yourself first. It’s selfish to expect others to put you first. If your friend is not helping your situation in any way, then cutting him or her out isn’t selfish.

  • I do’t have any proper friends, just people who I talk to. My only real friends are my mum, sister and my husband. I don’t bother with people like this as they only bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

  • I think the older you become the more you realise the importance of having good friends in your life. it’s more acceptable to be selfish in who you choose to surround yourself with everyday

    • Yeah, those of us who haven’t had as many laps around the sun are still having to learn this the hard way. Thanks for reading, Freya!

  • I wholeheartedly believe that you can only have relationships and friendships that add value to your life – and you theirs. As long as it’s balanced and equal. As soon as the balances tips one way or the other for a long extended period then it needs to end. I have cut many people out of my life without feeling like it’s a bad thing. Great post x

  • The funny thing is about this post is its just the other day i told other friends i deleted this guy I’ve known for 13 years cos when i evaluate everything over a long period of time – he clearly isn’t my friend and only comes to me when he wants sth, the text part i completely get you. takes 2 seconds to acknowledge it in that 24 hours- doesn’t have to be immediately. i SWEAR i encourage everyone if someone is clearly negative in your life, no matter how long you have known them- just get rid of them. Plenty more people out there 🙂

  • I’ve cut out friends in the past who constantly ignore me and only want to talk when it suits them or they need help. It drives me insane. You need friends around who care about you and actually wants to talk and be around you

  • I really have some good friends in my life, but the best part is I don’t rely on them for anything.. They are there to chat, help and we love hanging out with each other.

    • And you shouldn’t rely on them. Otherwise, you end up building unhealthy dependencies. Thanks for reading!

  • Friendships are like investment. If they are already a liability, you have to cut it immediately. Purging friends is sometimes sad but if they are a liability on you, better do the right move.

  • i actually only have one friend who we get to meet up with once or twice a month with for catchups both having children and lots of them we tend to make it either a day out or a home party and its great x

  • I couldn’t agree more. As they say: If someone does not return your calls or texts, it’s not because they’re too busy, you’re just not on their priority list. So I’m with you – cut them out!

    • The way it annoys me though! It’s like my biggest pet peeve. I hate to be left hanging. Thanks for reading, Mira!

  • I can relate to enjoying your own company and not being very social. Maybe you’re an introverted empath?…On another note, with friends like the one you cut of, who needs enemies. Seriously.

    • I am very introverted, yes, but I don’t know if I’m an empath really. I might be though lol. Thanks for reading!

  • I hope that writing this out helped you in your journey. Writing helps me even if I never share it with anyone.

    It took me 43 years but I finally cut the toxic narcissist out of my life… my Father. I won’t say that it’s been easy but it’s easier to live without him than with him. At least this way, I own my soul.

    Looking back, I’ve had a lot of people like him in my life and slowly but surely, I’ve managed to make them break up with me (I hate breakups). My goal now is to not take them on in the first place. There’s a borderline one trying to come into my life but I’m making the relationship on my terms and I can live with that.

    Take care.

    • Stories like yours give me hope. At least I know I’m not alone in these less than perfect relationships. All those people that hurt you, did not deserve you in the first place. Keep loving yourself and only allowing positivity into your life. Best of luck!

  • It’s hard to let people go. But in these cases you’re completely right! Sometimes indeed you’re better off alone. Friendship is meant to have an added value. To respect each other and help. And sometimes life changes and the friendship too. And in some cases it might be better to move on.

  • Saying goodbye to a friend is never easy, let’s face it. But if your friend starts showing any of these features that she is not your friend anymore, and perhaps she never was at all. It is the best to get rid of all the bad stuff right away, even if it means saying goodbye forever to a friend. That is my opinion.

  • I was reading your points and I was like,,’meh.. I’m not sure’ but then I read the last one andd I do feel better without that friend around to be honest.. so yeah. This was the decisive point for me. Cutting people off is hard though.. maybe letting them go in a transitional period..

    • Maybe it’s better to just take a break from each other right? Let them grow on their own and come back later maybe. Yeah, cutting people off is really hard, to be honest. Thanks for reading, Vlad!

  • It is better to have a few quality friends than a bunch of friends who always let you down! It is best to remove them from your life than suffer every day!

  • we all have that one friend or friends who do all of these and sometimes we just feel not to let go but after reading this, i think i have gotten a bigger set of motivation to move on and cut of the FRIEND who falls in these categories.

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