“Forgive and forget” is easier said than done. There is no denying that forgiving those who have wronged us can be very difficult sometimes. How can we make it easier? And why should we forgive those who wrong us in the first place?
If someone throws mud at you and you refuse to clean it off, you will be the one suffering from shame, discomfort and unhappiness as you walk around with the dirt. It’s the same when you refuse to forgive someone. In the end, you will be the one suffering.
There is nothing wrong with feeling angry when somebody hurts you. The problem comes when you refuse to let go of that anger. You waste your mental energy thinking of how much you hate the person, you waste time planning revenge, and you waste your joy. So for your own good, you must learn to forgive those who have wronged you.
But how can we make it easier to forgive?
Sometimes the major reason we find ourselves not forgiving others, is because in the heat of our anger, we promise ourselves that we will never forgive a person. Someone hurts you, you find yourself swearing that you will never forgive them for what they have done. So it happens that even if the anger you felt subsides later, you want to keep the promise you made to yourself. You keep reminding yourself of the sins the person committed and you keep convincing yourself that you should stay angry with the person. You hold on to the anger just because you feel you must keep the promise you made to yourself.
Try to not make such promises and even if you made such a promise to yourself in the past, feel free to release yourself of it. It’s okay to change your mind and allow yourself to forgive.
Another problem comes when we focus too much on the hurt that a person has caused us. If you constantly replay the tapes of someone’s sins in your head and you constantly remind yourself of the pain you felt at their hands, it won’t be surprising if you find yourself continuously angry at the person. You can control your thoughts, don’t convince yourself otherwise. You can think of happier times and better memories. You can remind yourself of someone’s goodness when you feel like thinking of their evilness. You can divert your thoughts.
Remember, hurting people hurt people. Haters are only those who have their hearts jumbled up. People have reasons for doing what they do and things like fear and insecurity can push someone to hurt you. Try to understand what could have pushed someone to hurt you and let that understanding wash your pain away. After all, things like fear and insecurity can affect all of us. So in other words you could be the one who hurt someone else, you could be the one hated because of your past sins. Maybe that will make it a little easier to forgive.
And as always, cheers to life!