I know what some of you are thinking, “It’s 2017 baby! You can be a single independent woman if you wanna be!” You guys are my people. You make me feel much better about considering never getting married.
Then, some of you might be like, “Wait, what she say? Never get what? You goin’ die alone baby! Don’t do that to yourself.” I know, I know. Trust me, I agree with you sometimes.
I’m only human and, of course, I do think of what it would mean to never get married. I don’t want to be alone and marriage seems to be the ticket to never being lonely.
But then that’s the only reason I have on that side of marriage and I don’t know if it’s enough. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to walk down the aisle simply because I’m afraid of being lonely.
On the other hand, I keep getting more and more reasons to never get married. Here are some of them:
1. I love my freedom
Yes! I love being able to do what I want when I want and I don’t want that to ever change. I love having the first and last word on all my decisions.
I know some of you are going to say, if you get married to the right person, you’ll still get your freedom. But it won’t be the same. It will never be the kind of freedom that you have when you’re by yourself.
When you get married, you get an additional human being that you have to consider in every single one of your decisions. It will be like trying to run while having the weight of an extra person tied to your waist.
Why? All because I don’t want “die alone”?
2. I want to get married to creating
There are only a select few people that can achieve all their dreams career-wise and still have happy and successful marriages. Those people are much better than me because I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.
I want to live my life creating. I want to be a writer and storyteller and I want to spend my life creating my stories. I want my stories to be the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night.
There won’t be any space for a husband in all that. I’ll have to choose either a man or my stories. And I choose to get married to creating.
3. I love my own company
You know what I consider the perfect Friday night? Sitting on my desk sipping tea and watching YouTube videos after a long workout. And you know what would ruin my night? Anyone disturbing that aura of peace and entertainment that I’ve created for myself on such a night.
There are always these people that pop into my room every time and go, “Hey, how are you?” And then they spend the next hour in my room forcing me to carry on a useless conversation with them.
It has literally happened so many times, and each time, I’m like, “Oh Jesus Christopher I wish you would realize how much I despise your existence at this moment.”
That’s the thing though. I love my own company, but when I get married, guess what I would have to do instead of enjoying that peaceful aura of solitude? Talk to my husband. Ask how his day was. Pretend to care, and all that “good wife” jazz.
4. Human interaction stresses me out
I don’t know, maybe I’m a freak of nature or something. But no joke, I could be just walking up to a cashier in a shop, and I would be stressed out about the interaction that’s going to happen. I don’t know why.
Now if I get married, it will be like constantly being in a stress chamber (I don’t even know if those exist).
“Oh my God, he’s coming up to the room. What am I going to say to him? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I can’t think of a response to what he says fast enough? What if I say something that makes him mad?”
“He just had the first bite of his dinner. Should I ask him how it is? What if he hates it and feels forced to say he likes it anyway? Should I ask him how his day was? What if he says his day was horrible? What will I say? What if I can’t show him that I care enough with the words I say even though in my heart I do care? He will think I’m heartless.”
Who wants all that mental battle all the time?
5. I don’t want the pressure of always having someone to impress
Tumblr quotes can only get you so far.
So you get these people that tell you, “Your husband is supposed to love you for who you are on the inside.” And then other people say, “Don’t ever get too comfortable in your marriage. You must keep trying to stay attractive for your man.” Which one is it?
I don’t want to be pressured to stay beautiful for anyone. But that’s not where it stops. To me, almost everything in marriage seems like pressure to keep the other person happy. All the way from simple things like choosing the interior design to performance in bed. Everything is just stress to impress. I don’t wanna live like that.
6. I don’t want my husband to ever feel trapped with me
I have never met anyone who enjoys being secretly hated. Say for instance I’m not the perfect wife for my husband. Say, I’m not the wife of his dreams, and a couple of years into the marriage, he gets tired of me and starts hating every single minute he has to spend with me. But he’s just too nice to serve me the divorce papers.
He will go on for years hating every generation that led up to my existence, and hating his life, but feeling that he can’t escape the hell. It would be better to never get married to be the reason someone hates his life.
7. I don’t want to feel trapped with my husband
Maybe the one that gets tired will be me. And I can see it happening. People have flaws and one day I might find myself going, “You know what? I kind of don’t want to be with this person anymore.”
And I would hate to hurt anyone with what I do, so of course, I would try to convince myself to just stick in there because I don’t want to hurt him with a divorce.
I would also never want to live knowing that I’ve made someone hate my very existence. And let’s be honest, a lot of people tout that whole, “You can still be friends even after a divorce” stuff, but a lot of times, ex-spouses can’t help but hate each other. I don’t want to hate anyone or to be hated.
So, it would be one of those situations where you lose if you leave the marriage, and you lose if you stay. I would be trapped in the marriage.
8. I don’t want to be cheated on
You know that joke that goes, “One hundred percent of divorces start with a marriage”? Well, one hundred percent of all cheating scandals start with a relationship.
Getting married makes it possible that I might get cheated on. I know sometimes I might come off like an insecure person that would easily take anything from anyone and be a doormat basically. And that’s exactly why getting cheated on would crush me. All my insecurities will be confirmed.
My self-esteem would be crushed if he cheats. Who knows? I might end up living with no self-worth for years after that and having no motivation to live my life fully.
9. I don’t want to cheat on my husband
Guess what can happen if you feel trapped in a marriage with no way of escaping the hell and absolutely no happiness? You start getting desperate to get out. And just like that, you become a desperate housewife.
Right now, I might be able to say that I can trust my own morality and everything, but who knows how I would change in the future.
Even worse than getting cheated on is being the cheater. Just the guilt would consume me, and I would completely hate myself. Want to know one way to make sure you’ll never be tempted to cheat on your husband? Never get married.
10. I don’t want to be consumed with jealousy
You know what kind of people are most likely to feel jealous in a relationship even when they have no reason to feel that way? Those that are insecure. You know what kind of person I am? Let’s just say I don’t rank well on the self-confidence scale.
That will mean, I will be the kind of wife that thinks her husband is leaving her for another woman if he merely walks past a manikin and stops to admire the outfit.
I just know if I ever get married, my own shortcomings as a person will make me worry constantly about not being good enough for him and him wishing he was with other women.
No one can live that kind of life for too long.
11. I don’t want the pressure of having to raise a child
There are two things that you could say to this. First, you might say that no parent really knows what they’re doing and they’re all just winging it and I can do the same.
But I know that a child is a huge responsibility. If I have a child, I know I will want to be the perfect mother. I would want my child to have the childhood that I never had. I would want him or her to be happy, and to grow up having the perfect tools for success. I would want my kid to turn out perfect.
And I know I will never be able to do that. Things will go wrong with the kid and I will blame myself to the point of depression. And again my self-esteem would be crushed.
Then, you could also say, well if you don’t want children, that’s no reason to never get married. There are childless couples all over the world.
That’s what you agree to at the beginning of the marriage. But what if, as the years progress, my husband starts seeing the children of other families and wanting one of his own? It happens all the time that someone in the marriage changes their mind. And if I refuse to give him the child, I would be the one making him hate his life. As we have already established, don’t wanna do that.
Someday when he’s old and alone in his house, he’ll start thinking back to the time he agreed to not have children, then he’ll start regretting his entire life with me.
12. I like having something new and exciting to look forward to
You are going to counter me on this, but I honestly feel like marriage seals the deal on one’s life. After you get married everything from there on is pretty much predictable. The adventure ends, and your fate is sealed.
You already know as a woman, you’re going to quit work two or three years into the marriage to become a stay-at-home mom. You’re going to raise those kids and see them off to college. Then they’re going to leave the house, leaving you behind to watch reruns of Real Housewives every day.
I feel like marriage makes things way too predictable. Boring. Hopeless. If I never get married, I have a better chance of going out there and living an adventurous life.
13. “In sickness and in health” might be a little more challenging in reality
God forbid one of us gets really sick, perhaps even terminally. Will the other one be happy to stay?
I’m not saying that my husband will be so evil as to want to leave me the minute I get sick. He might be a good man that’s willing to stay by my side. But the question is, will he be happy to stay with me? Won’t he start wishing he married someone with a better wellness potential? Again, there’s that thing of him feeling trapped.
And what if the tables are turned and it’s him that randomly gets really sick? I would like to believe that I’m a good enough person to be able to stick with him and take care of him through it all. I would like to think that I would be a good enough wife to be able to give up everything just to take care of him.
But again, would I be happy doing that? Or would I, deep down, start wishing he was gone from the world already so I can be free? I’m only human, you know.
14. I’m a terrible loser
Not when it comes to things like ping pong or monopoly (which I’m guaranteed to lose by the way. I’m terrible at that). But I’m a terrible loser when it comes to people. That’s why I usually avoid getting too close to people because I always have this fear that they might leave me.
It could be divorce. He could decide that he would be happier with someone else. Maybe it would be a mutual decision. Then we would have to part ways.
But even worse than divorce is death. And I’m just not the best when it comes to grief. If my husband dies, I would be devastated.
It sucks having someone there, getting used to them, looking at them as a part of your life, and then having them be gone suddenly.
I know, I know. Everybody dies and I should just accept it as part of life. It’s kind of a little bitch thing to say, “I don’t want to get married because my husband could die.” But luckily, I never claimed to be anything other than that, a little bitch.
I never claimed to be a strong or logical person. In fact, most of the reasons up here show you just that. I don’t want to get married mainly because I’m just a wimp. Right?
Never Get Married – It’s A Trap
At least that’s how I look at it. Let’s just hope everyone in my life realizes I have the freedom to make this decision, and that I probably won’t change my mind no matter how much you try to guilt me out of it.
There are enough married people in the world anyway.