So She’s ‘Dressed Like a Slut’? You Still Shouldn’t Judge Her!

So She’s ‘Dressed Like a Slut’? You Still Shouldn’t Judge Her!

It was around 6:00 in the evening on a Tuesday night when I found myself lost in the hustle and bustle of the Durban City Centre. I was new in Durban and I had no idea how the taxi system worked. But for some reason known as idiotism, I still decided to risk it and take one of those 16-seater taxis after my classes ended that afternoon.


I didn’t know exactly where the taxi would drop me or how I would connect other taxis from there to eventually get home. That’s how I found myself on the sidewalk of a busy street, with cars honking up and down, people rushing and shoving left and right, and no way of getting home. Every taxi I stopped to ask if it would take me where I lived said, “We’re done driving for the day!” or simply ignored me.


I didn’t have enough cash on me to hire a private taxi. I didn’t have my South African credit card yet so I couldn’t withdraw any money. My phone was off so I couldn’t call an Uber or anyone else for that matter.


It was getting darker and darker. I was getting more and more anxious, worried, scared and stressed as time went by. Like a slingshot that’s being pulled back, I felt like my stress levels were getting higher and higher as the seconds ticked off. I kept stopping the people rushing by to ask if they could help, and everybody just kept saying, “I don’t know where you find those taxis. Maybe go there.” And I would ask the next person and they would say, “Oh you should definitely go over there,” pointing to the direction where I had just been a few minutes ago.


Eventually, as you might have expected, I cracked. I just couldn’t take it anymore.


I dropped myself right there and then, on the sidewalk of a potentially dangerous street, and took my laptop out to charge my phone so I could call the one person I knew in Durban to come help me.


busy street


Was that a stupid idea? Yes, of course! No one in their right mind, who knows even a little bit about South Africa, would dare to take out anything as valuable as a laptop on a street like that. South Africa is the place where you clutch your handbag as tightly as you can whenever you’re walking on the street. It’s the place where you only walk with at least two other people because it’s too dangerous to be alone. It’s the place where you keep whipping your head left to right to make sure you’re still safe as you move through. I shouldn’t have taken that laptop out. And if I wasn’t that stressed, scared and frustrated, I wouldn’t have.


So maybe that lady was right when she passed by and sneered at me in Zulu. She said something with from the looks of it, meant, “I hope your laptop gets stolen you stupid girl! You’ll learn your lesson!”


I’m not saying what I did was right, but that lady jumped to the conclusion that I deserved to get my laptop stolen even without knowing what I was going through. I had a long, stressful and frustrating day. I was just trying to get myself home. She didn’t know my story. But she decided she knew what I deserved.


It hurts to be on this side of judgement.


But I would be a self-righteous narcissist if I didn’t admit that I have judged people unfairly in my own ways. Even when I was walking to my university earlier that day, I saw some girls who chose to wear see-through shirts that showed off their bras. And yes, I did judge them for dressing in a way that I considered slutty and thirsty. Who did I even think I was to tell them what they could and could not wear? I didn’t even know their stories. I had no idea what made them dress that way. Maybe they felt more confident, and more beautiful when they showed what they were blessed with. Maybe they just wanted wear breezy clothes so they could avoid heatstroke (because Oh Lawd Jeezus, it gets hot in Durban!) Either way, I had no right to judge them without knowing their stories. Just like I think that woman had no right to judge me without knowing what I had gone through the whole day.


You’ve heard it before, but I will say it again: don’t be so quick to judge others.


And as always,


Cheers to life!

don't judge people quote







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16 thoughts on “So She’s ‘Dressed Like a Slut’? You Still Shouldn’t Judge Her!”

  • This is a message we all need to read. It’s important that we never judge others for their choices even if it bothers you. I always loved the quote, Live and Let Live because it’s so true.

  • I can’t think of anything more true than stopping ourselves before judging others. The other day I worked out beside a woman I’ve know for 3 or 4 years. When I got home I saw a posting from her announcing she had a brain tumor. I couldn’t help but think .. you never know what someone else is dealing with.

  • I agree never judge someone by what they wear or even their actions. Personally I don’t like the word ‘slut’ or ‘slutty’because I don’t think that wearing short clothing has anything to with your sexual behavior. If I wear a short skirt that does not give anyone the right to ogle me and call me names, I can wear what I like and so can other people. This is something I feel very strongly about. Were you okay in the end after the whole laptop scenario?

    • True! The clothes I wear don’t determine whether “I’m asking for it” or not.
      Yeah, I did make it eventually. Definitely a very stressful day!
      Thanks for reading!

  • I think it is so hard for us to not judge others. I try my best but there are times I catch what I am doing and reassess my thinking.

  • I completely agree with you and the message. I do my best not to judge others, and I hope for people to be more open-minded and accepting. I really enjoyed reading this and love how you are spreading positivity!

  • Yes , there is a very valuable lesson to be learned from this very interesting post. I’m wondering though did you get home safely and did you manage to hang on to your laptop after all. I hope so. Never judge a book….unfortunately most of us do when in reality we have no idea about the story behind the person. Great!

    • Luckily, yes. After almost breaking down completely, a security guard helped me get home.
      I know, it is something that many of us do subconsciously. If only we had a way to stop…

  • Oh man I completely feel you on your experience, of being in a new place and just wanting to get home. It’s definitely an important lesson to not let our inital judgement get the best of us, that everyone has a story we don’t know.

    • Honestly, it can be one of the most terrifying experiences ever! The reason I’m not too thrilled about travelling, really.
      Glad you agree on that. I could go on for ages about why judging others is never the right way to go about things.

  • Your title had me hooked. I think we have all been there judging others. It can be so easy. This will help us all to remember to not judge so quickly.

  • oh my, stay safe, hon. While you are so correct with your sentiment of not judging anyone, I will say, that I hope you find a safer place to be in soon. South Africa does not seem a good place for just about anyone.


    • I’ll try 🙂 It’s definitely a place that can improve on safety and just general wellness.
      Thanks for reading!

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